Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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