Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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