Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
