Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
