someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
