i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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