Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
