yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
