and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
