I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
