Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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