Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
