she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
