i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
