you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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