Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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