I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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