You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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