in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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