I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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