I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
