I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
