But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
