Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
