break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
