He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
