so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
