When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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