I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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