Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
