Kiss
Puke
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
