i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
