Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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