dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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