2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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