i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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