so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
