my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
