Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
