Slut skills are useful in every country.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
