I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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