If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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