You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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