i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
