its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like Dick and happiness
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