david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
