its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
