dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
