her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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