Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
