literally had 100 drinks last night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
